F YEAH 31. #It'sMyBirthdayAndThisIsAllAboutME!

I have been swimming laps 3 days a week, plus jumping in the pool for a deep water aerobics class every Saturday morning. I have been running or walking the dog on the off days when I feel like pushing myself. (But I don't beat myself up if I don't!) Ice cream started making me feel like poo, and that's been a huge blessing. My sugar intake has been cut in half. I've been focusing on eating more protein and fresh veggies. I feel friggin' fantastic. And it's not just because I've been moving my body and eating well.

I've been going to bed on time and waking up early. I've been brushing my teeth after lunch! My mouth does this little happy dance every day. Last year, I committed to getting my hair cut at the barber, instead of hobjobbing it myself. I purge my wardrobe regularly, only keeping clothes that fit nicely, aren't grungy, and reflect how I see myself, as opposed to just wearing any old thing. I look at fashion blogs so that I can get ideas about how to dress to flatter my body and what to wear to make me feel like I'm part of society!

Of course, I can't forget to mention that I've been going to therapy regularly for two years now.

I am beyond proud to say that I really like to see my reflection in the mirror. To see the results of dedicating the time to take care of my "temple" is a direct physical manifestation of the love that has and is blossoming for myself, something that I've never really thought to be too important.


Taking better care of myself has helped me take better care of the loved ones around me, not to mention the house and yard and school and everything else. It's all connected, I've got more energy, better time management, and a better attitude.

Self-care for the win! Here's to another trip around the sun :) Bring it!

Intentional Love, Peacocks, and Tarot Cards.

Pulled the Queen of Pentacles today,

while love-drunk and giddy.

It was the sixth card I pulled in response to a question about giving myself over to intentional love, particularly if that intentional love was beneficial to my spiritual path.

To me, the Queen of Pentacles represents just about exactly where I want to be. The ultimate culmination of the Divine Feminine. The ability to live in harmony with nature, within relationships, and within one's self. A lover of all, a supreme example of compassion and grace. You know, that hippie lady that sits on her front porch and keeps all of the neighborhood kids in check??

Sometimes, in various depictions of the card, the Queen of Pentacles is sitting with a peacock. This will have more significance in a few paragraphs.

I think it's a good sign. Auspicious omen.

Three of the four cards I pulled for my "past, present, and future" spread mentioned easy decisions, opening opportunities, and clarity of mind. One even went so far as to be the the weak or reversed aspect of a card representing indecisiveness. (Forgive me if you are lost, please ask me some day to explain more. I'm just learning myself.)

The fourth card held caution for thinking of this development a quick fix, no hold's barred solution, urging for yet more patience and perseverance as my true path unfolds; good things take time. Frustrating, but expected. Saturn has not yet officially began his return for me, but I'm certainly feeling the influence-- lots of transitions, re-evaluations, and intentional pauses to avoid rushing into things. Until it passes I am unlikely to know my true path. But, good things take time.

A fifth card I pulled to explore these ideas represented entering a period of strong growth and creative inspiration.


So, while some aspects of my life feel like they came to a rather forcible halt, others feel like they exploded right open. All signs are pointing to accepting what has been laid in front of me, and moving forward with it. Apparently, now is not the time to be sorting out my physical realm (homestead/community), rather it is time to tackle the spiritual. And truly, honestly, my head is a jumble of mismatched thoughts and ideas and plans of action. One of my previous posts mentions the work I've been doing on the house to quiet my mind, and I'm happy to report that it is working. Living in a space that is conducive to stress-free living is nice. I'm looking forward to having the peace of mind to start un-jumble-ing that thought ball.

So, it is becoming obvious to me that while accepting and pursuing this offer of intentional love still might not ultimately lead me to my "goal" it is obviously important for my mental and spiritual growth.


I like living with intention. I especially like loving with intention.

I'll be thinking about how to put it all into words, because it is really quite beautiful to think about. What if we all went out into the world with love as our impetus?

Related of this assorted group of recent synchronicities, is the possibility of getting a tattoo of a peacock on my upper arm much sooner than I had anticipated. Now, oddly, this image is one that called out to me without me having a firm grasp as to it's meaning. But now the idea is more firmly gelled. Peacocks are typically a symbol of rebirth, immortality, and renewal-- a real-life phoenix. They have a regal association to them. Protectors of royalty. Earthly representations of Gods and Goddesses. Slayers of serpents.

Peacocks take a long time to reach maturity. Before they do they are a bit gangly. But each year they lose their tail feathers and eventually more grow in their place.

Perhaps I am not unlike the peacock?

Determined to live true to myself, protecting my own inner royalty? Developing my inner Divine Feminine? Sloughing off the layers that I have built up, my own demons and serpents, until I have grown my full set of tail feathers? Until I am that compassionate and graceful crone, guiding children into the garden to calmly pick peas and collect eggs into an apron?

Life is work.
Life is life.
Life is.

Woke up with this "earworm "...

Sun is shining through my freshly cleaned windows. Working on the last of my "Fall Cleaning" chores. Lots of delicious plans running through my mind for the holiday months ahead.

Life is work.
Life is life.
Life is.

Celebrating the Return of the Dark

Forgive me for starting in on the "seasonal" music so early, but this song caught my attention hard recently. We've been listening to our "Fall Festival Songs" and once in a while a few Winter songs will slip through before I change CD's. Well, this morning the song People Look East, slipped through and held me hypnotized for a half minute as I stirred the grapes juicing on the stove.

Now that we are wavering between the Fall and Winter seasons, I have been turning inward. No longer am I focused on the yard and gardens (although they still have plenty of work beckoning me before the snow truly starts to fall) but instead I am intently "making my house fair."

This includes adjusting my physical home, with the upstairs satisfactorily completed I can clean and putter about downstairs as I wish. My focus has turned toward our space and it's utility. When the song captured my attention I had been deep in thought about the state of our living arrangements. The previous day had been spent moving the playroom contents about ever so slightly-- but slightly enough that the toys were being played with again. Feng shui is REAL, man. The success of that arrangement led to other thoughts; we don't have the most abundant room or the most frequent of house guests so why am I hanging onto gigantic overstuffed armchairs and love seats? Our book space and our freedom of movement are priorities and so I'm letting go of a few things that were getting in the way of that. My rule of thumb has been that if it has traditionally been a place that accumulates our daily debris, it is not functioning in household harmony. I have been feeling rather "choked" creatively, and while some folks would blame the size of the house, I blame the use of the space. Perhaps as per my Libran horoscope for the week, I should do a little experiment.

Hypothesis: It's not the size of the house but how you use it.

So, now that the living room and play room have been received well by the fellow house-dwellers, I'm going to be turning my attention to the office and eventually the kitchen. And for good measure I plan on doing a final sweep of the house for any extraneous items I've missed. No more piles of accumulated debris, a place for everything and everything in it's place! Now, as someone who also subscribes to a "use it up, wear it out, make do or do without" philosophy this is not easy. But that is a post for a whole other day. In the meantime...

"Trim the hearth and set the table.... Love, the guest, is on the way"

Other adjustments are being focused towards my "spiritual" home. I have been putting my inner work on the back burner but it's become clear to me that now is the time to re-focus my attention. Read a novel that's putting a few things into perspective-- helped me look beyond my rut.

Lately, I had been feeling like I have still to give chase and catch my ducks, before I can even give them a good once-over to put them in order. Looking back at all of our fits and starts with the house this summer, it became clear to me that I wasn't walking my true path, my faith had faltered. Or perhaps, one could argue that I didn't know of my need for faith but instead was trying too hard to control my path and destiny.

Now though, I think I've got a line on some ducks. The "catch" is, I've got to wait for these ducks to come to me. Have you ever tried to tame a duck?

So, I'm giving up my expectations on the external. I don't know where I'll end up or how I will get there, but I do know that in order to take those first steps (and the second and third...) I need to be patient, compassionate, dedicated, and grounded. And those are all qualities that I have a fair amount of influence over.

Something that I've been meditating on, relatedly:

If the people lived their lives
As if it were a song
For singing out of light
Provides the music for the stars
To be dancing circles in the night.

So, that's where I'm at. Celebrating the return of the dark by retreating inward. Creating warm, welcoming, and inspiring spaces while feeling deeply and honestly. Slowly and methodically traveling the day-to-day path towards our. next. steps. Having faith. Living as if I am to coax the stars out of the darkness and on to the dance floor.

Are you wondering just what it looks like for my family and I to be doing this sort of introspective work? Wondering just how we celebrate the darkness? Well, here is one evening's task...

Abundance of eggs, veggies, and ricotta
+ the need for heat =

QUICHE!!

Use THIS pie crust recipe. TRUST me.

Turn on some simple music.
Put on aprons.
Let the kids do as much work as they can, setting aside pieces of dough for them to knead and shape.



Stay present in the moment,

and serve on a freshly made table.



Say grace.

It will make you say yum!And "ahhhh..."



Life is good.

Seven year shift.

I'll be 28 in 25 days.

I originally was going to post about why I left FB,  just in case anyone was wondering. But when I sat down, I wrote and rewrote a few sentences, soon reaching the conclusion that nothing gets to the real truth.

Waste of time this,
and big brother corporate goon that..

However, the thought of coming up on my seven year change really resonates. It's a thought that has stuck with me for the past few months. (right next to "will this bad luck never end?")

21-28 years The cycle that follows from twenty-one to twenty-eight, can more or less be called a process of enlargement and refinement. It is the period that we mentally and emotionally enter into adulthood. We start to build the foundations of our careers and intimate relationships with a driving energy that we hope will gain us entry and respect in the larger world. One of the most marked features is the developing sense of discrimination. The faculties of insight, intuition, judgement and understanding begin to come to the fore. The personality softens and begins to mellow. The sparks of interest that were awakened in the previous cycles begin to be developed along more definite lines. The abilities of the last cycle also flourish. The adult emotional age may begin to emerges if one has successfully grown through the previous levels. This shows as a growing sense of recognising needs of ones partner yet not denying ones own. It is followed by an ability to be something for the partners sake without losing ones own independence or will. One becomes more aware of the issues that colour or influence relationship, and meeting them in cooperation with others. Independence and connection can appear together instead of opposite ends of a spectrum. You move toward becoming caring sexual partners through discovering each others needs and vulnerability. In this period you will begin to confront the issue that you were either born with, or arose through the challenges and pains of your infancy and childhood. These usually show as the way you handle intimate relationships, whether you can really meet in partnership with the opposite sex, and how you respond to the external world, its challenges and opportunities. At this time what is revealed may not be addressed as a personal problem or issues to be healed or re-evaluated. They will be faced more directly later if they are not dealt with now. - Tony Crisp, Every Seven Years You Change

Folks who are close to me have known that this has been somewhat of a difficult year. Challenging. But each challenge also held a message. And sometimes I had to wonder at source of the message.

Ever feel like the person in front of you moving their mouth isn't really the one speaking?  Incidences like that. Synchronicities. Grandiose and prophetic dreams. More synchronicities. And honestly, as someone who doesn't have it all figured out in terms of God, or the higher powers, or cosmic fates...I've got to be honest. It's a little freaky-deaky.

And the overall themes being hammered home?

Be patient. Be compassionate. Don't fight from a place of anger, but one of love. Be gracious. You are doing the right thing with your children. Be strong. Stay focused.

Interesting things to think about.

I'll let you all draw your own conclusions about what leaving facebook means in this context.

goodnight :)