A GoodBye to a Good Friend

It's been a bit of a challenging year, like so many that have come before it. I'm a little scared that this is just what "adult" looks like and I'm trying very hard to have hope that life won't always be full of such jagged edges. But, one can only accept life on life's terms, ya know?

Our most noticeable challenge was saying our goodbyes to Henry Lucifer Jones this past April. He was a wonderful family friend, and is dearly missed. He was a fantastic nanny to the children, a dog you only read about in stories, with a personality that charmed nearly everyone.

                    Henry Lucifer Eichten Jones
                                2-8-09 ~ 4-1-16
                         You're a good boy, Henry.

Wait for it. The sun. It returns.

I sit on the bench with the sun warming my back.
I let myself,
for a second,
imagine that it's my lover.

Coming up behind me
Wrapping arms around me
Head nestled between my shoulder blades.

And I bask.
in that touch,
in that warmth,
in the light.

It's the Little Things

Let it in, Let it go, Round and round, We flow. Weaving the web of women.

Let in in, Let it go, Round and round, We flow. Weaving the web of life.

Chant by Marie Summerwood.

Helped this little dear come into the world this weekend. Had a wonderful team at Crouse Hospital who thanked us for sharing the birth experience with them,. The attending OB (Dr. Brown of CNY Women's Health Care) took a moment to stand aside with me and talk about the miracle of birth how it draws "people like us" into it as a profession. What an honor, to be seen as a professional birth worker. Although I know I am still very much an amateur, it meant a lot to be recognized as a valuable part of the team.

It especially helped to hear that because I was blubbering tears all over myself and consequently the leg I was holding and thinking about how UN-professional that was! But, I have a little "emotional mess" wiggle room for this particular birth I think. That baby buckling means a lot to me.

It was such an honor to have been asked to attend the birth for so many reasons, and to feel like I had worthy contributions as a team member was even more special. I won't go too far into something so personal here, but I feel it needs to be said that this baby is a very meaningful connection in the life that I have been trying to build for our children, a life where family means something other than obligation, where connections are born out of the love we have for each other as fellow beautiful people with a shared history. I've never really had that for myself, and I feel that some of my blunders over the past decade have been born of me desperately clutching to the promise of it. But all of these feelings are still so very amorphous, and I have only just begun to be able to sort out why I have tears dripping from my chin from time to time. I think it best boils down to how blessed I feel to have had this opportunity to build up and repair on a relationship with family that I have not been able to approach until recently. And what's more, is that it really emphasizes the work that I've done to get to this place.

The birth was a chance for me to realize how much I've gained over the past decade. Not just the information that I've learned and retained in regards to birth and motherhood, but also how the connections I've made in that time have influenced my life and the strength that I have found in them, and consequently in myself. Starting from the chanting workshop by Marie Summerwood when I was freshly pregnant with my first, to lessons from my own doula during her faithful attendance of my similarly Scorpion long labor and the friendship that bloomed between us, and especially to the sense of belonging that I've felt at every Syracuse Red Tent gathering and Solstice Celebration.

Each of those experiences gave me the strength and the know-how to help sing this little one into the world, and I wouldn't be the person that I am today without them. Those connections birthed me into a womanhood that I hadn't known could exist. How reassuring it is to be able to look back on it all and recognize your purpose-- to feel so palpably how you are meant to fit in the world? Something to hold on tightly to.

On a similar note, I finished my tattoo this month. Remember, the one with the peacock? You can see a hint of the feather in the photo above. It takes a good 7 years for a peacock to grow such a beautiful, full tail. And when he does, he molts it every year and has to grow it all over again.

Life is.

You might be a hippie mom if...

your marshmallow rice squares contained puffed Kamut,

and the marshmallows used were homemade.



Recipe here.

Life is. One Day at a Time

It's been a long week. I have a lot of work to do. It's been a long week and I am feeling really tapped out.

I've been noticing that my patience for the kids is shot, and in turn they have no patience for each other. Bicker bicker snap, bicker bicker snap, you could set your watch to our interactions.

Of course, this is decidedly not where I want to be with them. Wouldn't it be nice if everything was sunshine and roses?

But I keep reminding myself that last week consisted of a wedding, a funeral, a birthday, and the first exam of the semester. And through all of that I still had to do the day to day things that life requires! How monumentally unfair, right?

But, you know, life is.

So, here we are trudging on with our heavy boots.

I wrote a priority list, first focusing on the bare minimum of what we need to do to get through the week; a clean sink, a pile of clean clothes, food in our cupboards, time with close friends, quiet time to ourselves. Then, I added in the things that we had some stronger obligation to attend; swimming lessons, school work and Dr/Dental/Vet appts. Lastly, I added in the things that would brighten our life if we could fit them in; Sunday there is a KiteFest at the Stone Quarry Art Park, hanging up Halloween decorations, watching Cheryl Strayed speak at SU.

And, while that might be a long list, breaking it down has made it not feel so overwhelming. I just take things on one at a time. And the more space I can make in my head for the things that are important to me, the more space I have to take a deep breath before I interact with the kids. And instead of trying to make things better all at once, I make them better by a little bit each time. And life goes on, and we go with it.

                                          Rainbow Heart by W

F YEAH 31. #It'sMyBirthdayAndThisIsAllAboutME!

I have been swimming laps 3 days a week, plus jumping in the pool for a deep water aerobics class every Saturday morning. I have been running or walking the dog on the off days when I feel like pushing myself. (But I don't beat myself up if I don't!) Ice cream started making me feel like poo, and that's been a huge blessing. My sugar intake has been cut in half. I've been focusing on eating more protein and fresh veggies. I feel friggin' fantastic. And it's not just because I've been moving my body and eating well.

I've been going to bed on time and waking up early. I've been brushing my teeth after lunch! My mouth does this little happy dance every day. Last year, I committed to getting my hair cut at the barber, instead of hobjobbing it myself. I purge my wardrobe regularly, only keeping clothes that fit nicely, aren't grungy, and reflect how I see myself, as opposed to just wearing any old thing. I look at fashion blogs so that I can get ideas about how to dress to flatter my body and what to wear to make me feel like I'm part of society!

Of course, I can't forget to mention that I've been going to therapy regularly for two years now.

I am beyond proud to say that I really like to see my reflection in the mirror. To see the results of dedicating the time to take care of my "temple" is a direct physical manifestation of the love that has and is blossoming for myself, something that I've never really thought to be too important.


Taking better care of myself has helped me take better care of the loved ones around me, not to mention the house and yard and school and everything else. It's all connected, I've got more energy, better time management, and a better attitude.

Self-care for the win! Here's to another trip around the sun :) Bring it!

My Blog Updates Aren't the Only Thing Overdue!

Can you imagine that this face could give us so much guff?

Wait. Yeah. I can. My mom says that it's payback. I'd like to argue that point with her but I'm afraid that by doing so I will be proving myself wrong.

So, back to my reason for this post, which honestly is total procrastination.

I need to write up W's IHIP. I needed to do that about 3 weeks ago actually. So now I have a little bit of time and I decided to post instead. Priorities, right? *groan*

To be fair, I've been putting off the IHIP because I didn't want to write it for no good reason. You see, we threatened to put her in public school. She was being so obstinate and contrary that it was harming the relationship between her and I to keep persuading (ok and berating) her to do work.

But guess what!?!

We gave her 2 weeks to work on her attitude and she has! She's been fantastic! I am so impressed at the hard work that she is putting in. It is not easy for W to dive into things that challenge her, but the threat of public school is apparently enough motivation. W says she doesn't want to sit inside a room all day and lose a good deal of her playtime. I don't blame her.

And because each person brings their own part to the relationship, J and I also gave ourselves 2 weeks to work on our own attitudes. We recognized that we were not doing ourselves any favors with our passive and somewhat ill-prepared approach to the task. Personally, I had such grand ideas about what school should look that I easily overwhelmed myself. So we resolved to make school a priority, to prepare more ahead of time while also not holding ourselves to too high standards, and to be firm about what tasks needed to be done and when. (That last one really just means that we promised good things at the end of certain homeschool tasks... you know, incentives.)

It's such a relief that we busted through this wall, as none of us really need another radical change in our lives for a while. I'm looking forward to settling down and wallowing in routine and normalcy (whatever that means...)

So, I guess to continue keeping up my end of the deal I should go start writing.

It's Time.

Wow. Two years. I'm sorry.

My loyal followers notwithstanding, I'm incredibly apologetic towards myself. This blog was really important to me and I lost it. I lost this blog in the process of losing myself.

The good news is that I've started finding myself again and now I've found this again, too.

I don't know how to quite explain the absence, especially since I was in the middle of putting down roots, quite literally, as of my last posting. And obviously, the answer is both too involved and too intimate to be shared in this setting.

tl;dr (all the cool kids are doing tl;dr these days)
we fell in love. we moved. MISTAKES WERE MADE. we moved. we regrouped. we weighed our options. we moved again.

That's right, that was 3 moves since June 2013. I won't lie and say that I'm not exhausted.

But now, we're back at homebase, which is comforting. We took the time to paint and fix up a lot of the things that needed fixing to make use feel more at home. Maybe I'll do a walk through with you. I'm proud of what we've done. Of course, we've got a lot more work to do.

The most overwhelming perhaps is the yard. The gardens here have been having a field day without Mama around to make them mind.

But that sort of heavywork is quite cathartic really. 

We are cleaning up the mess we so desperately tried to escape from.

It feels like a very "in your 30's" thing to do, and I can't describe the relief that comes along with feeling like I've finally pointed my compass towards adulthood.

For that, and for all of the other lessons in between, I am very grateful.  

Breaking Ground

Planting seedlings is always a bit of a nerve wracking experience for me. Although I'm sure it could be argued that I'm a bit high-strung anyhow, I always feel so uncertain and a little bit jarred when I stand back and admire my work.

Are they in the right spots? Will there be enough room? Are there enough plants? What if a big storm rolls through and rips these tendrils out of the ground and lies them out to waste? Did I acclimate them to the big outdoors well enough?

And I won't feel fully settled about the whole scenario until the plants start to branch out and stretch their arms, filling up their allotted space.

Although that just brings a different set of worries, they are admittedly, worries that are less immediate.

Are they getting too big? Should I stake them up? Pull off suckers? Are they getting enough water? Enough sun? Is that powdery mildew? What kind of BUG is THAT??

But eventually I'll stop worrying so much and just watch.

And not too after that I'll totally forget that they were ever once something to fret over.

I'm hoping that it's like that with the children, too.

Turning Time

The compost is a time machine.
Each turn of the pitchfork
  unearthing bits of the past,
ghosts once lifted by other forks.
Banana peels from baby's first feeds,
broccoli stems, pistachio shells, avocado pits-

Each heave brings me back in time.
Now I am standing at the counter cracking eggs
Next, sitting around the table carefully segmenting grapefruit.

And it's not just mealtime blessings that are bubbling to the surface.
Here are bits of crumbling playdough, shredded papers and mail.

The grapevine mobile the kids and I made while waiting for baby.

And while I work I realize just how rich this compost really is.

Life is.

Phew!

I've been bogged down in the day to days lately.

Feeling a little off of my game. Laundry piling up, to-do list growing, fridge bare.

That nagging feeling of being disconnected from the kids while I'm caught up in my own headspace.

It's times like these that I start feeling like I should be itemizing those to-do lists.

For example, in a bullet point under "Laundry" I should also write "strip, wash, and remake all beds". That way, when I change all three beds but don't finish the laundry I'll still see something crossed off the list.

Remember when making your bed was the chore of the day? Then, the next you would bring all of your library books back to the library and be able to call that a day.

Now, when I'm knee deep in a pile of various sized socks that I haven't sorted in three consecutive weeks, it's hard to remember to put it into perspective.

Hard to remember that the reason the sink is full of dishes is because I washed all of the previous dishes, cooked food, fed the children, and piled the sink back up again.

I'm tired of this headspace though. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not doing enough.

I should simply remember to be proud! Making three beds usually happens on the same day that I cook (at least) two meals large enough for (at least) five bellies, do (at least) two loads of dishes, wipe (at least) the kitchen table, answer (at least) 50 billion questions about physics and the state of the world, while always thinking ahead to what had to get done next.

(I made this egg bread braid for Easter, and I still am fretting about not "doing it all"!?!)

So, somewhere over the course of this afternoon I declared last week "Spring Break" and I'm letting go of all of the guilt and feelings of inadequacy.

Everything that I have done is done enough!

What's more, is that is has been done well enough!

Next week deserves a clean slate, not to be burdened by the to-do list anxiety of last week.

I've been carrying two mantras close to my heart these past few days (weeks?) as I've trudged through.

"The days are long but the years are short."


And, of course, one of my old favorites,

"Life is work. Life is life. Life is."

Out Like A Lion

I can't be the only one to be enjoying these last few days of blustery March am I?

These past two snowfalls have been very nearly perfect. Sticky clumpy snow that covers the branches and the netting over the chicken coop. The icicles on the roof grow and glisten. Our backyard turns into a magical snowday. I am grateful for temperatures that are crisp and refreshing and not fierce and biting.

This snow has been fantastic for snowball throwing and snowman crafting. Rolling and rolling and rolling heavy balls as big as themselves is so good for these kids who are yearning to stretch and push and work those muscles after a winter's rest.

We have been putting the finishing touches on Winter. Making sure we have eaten enough coconut curry stew and spicy chili. Baking enough cookies and sipping enough tea. Going over our footed-pajama snuggle between flannel sheets quota, stocking up until next year. Wearing my baby on my chest, all cozied up in blankets and ponchos, for what are probably the last times.

And now today marks Spring. The kids and I have been watching the buds swell on the trees, and the first green shoots of our bulbs push through the soil. The birds have been noticing too, waking us with their songs in the morning.

We have been anticipating the Sun's return. Slowly starting our garden seedlings inside, sheltering them on heat mats and under lights. First the tomatoes, then peppers, then eggplants and okra. Each week brings a new task that brings us that much closer to thrusting our fingers into the dirt.

But until that happens, we wait rather contentedly, reading under cozy blankets.

Or using up every last piece of paper in the house doing heady inbreath activities before we transition to the body rich outdoor outbreath activities.

Life Is.

**Disclaimer:this post was written last week on the Equinox, when it was snowing. I've been having issues uploading photos and so this post is very, very late. Sorry for the confusion!

No line item for "entertainment"!?!

Now that I've gone on and on about feeding my family while on a budget, I am ready to move on to the next most important aspect of family life. Entertainment! With three littles and one (very)large dog, in a 2.5 bedroom house that's a bit under 1,000 sq ft, it's important to stretch our wings every now and then. But with two adults and three littles that ish gets pricey! So we've scoped out a number of ways to get out of the house but spend zero to very little money*. Here are some of our local favorites:

*Be aware that some of these "free" outtings were made possible by gifts from viewers such as you ;) However, even without the seasonal passes a visit or two won't break the bank.

Stone Quarry Art Park:
cost:$5 suggested donation/car
perks:dog friendly, year round--very ski/sledding/snowshoe friendly, interactive exhibits, miles of trails, composting toilet, frog pond(separate from the toilet)... need I go on? The kids love it, I love to walk around here with the kids. This summer we are going to explore the "grotto"/hobbit hole that we have heard rumors about.
not-so-perks:Cazenovia is a bit of a hike, and my big little sat on a bee here once. But there was plenty of mud around for me to pack it with and we all learned something that day. So I guess that's maybe even a perk.

Rosamond Gifford Zoo
cost:$60 year round membership(we ask for this each Christmas)
perks:Close to home, year round friendly, mostly empty during weekdays(except during field trip season), quality interpretive shows, the membership makes it possible to come here for a picnic lunch and not feel pressured to "get our money's worth", I can claim this as an educational field trip.
not-so-perks:Sometimes the animals behind bars make you feel sad, sometimes it's packed, sometimes someone has a meltdown because we got them lollipops *just once* out of the machine and we won't be doing that again.

A recent trip to the zoo!

Green Lakes
cost:$8/car or do what we did and get season's pass as a gift
perks:SWIMMING! hiking trails! dog friendly-ish! playground! picnics!
not-so-perks:DEFINATELY do tick checks after your visit, can be crowded, no dogs on beach rule gets difficult when mixing three littles, one large dog, and one two-handed adult. oh, and the "modern" playground is better since they took the "suicide slide" out but still isn't as little kid friendly as it could (should) be. It's fine and all, just be prepared to be a helicopter parent.

Clark's Reservation
cost:$8/car (or season's pass yadda yadda)
perks:close to home, dog friendly, picnic friendly, nice small oldschool playground, TONS OF AWESOME FERNS
not-so-perks:some trails difficult to manage with the littles.

Those are just our two favorite local State parks, there are quite a few others within a short distance on home. And let's not forget about our county parks like Onondaga Lake Park, Beaver Lake Nature Center.

Not to mention the whole Syracuse city park system.

Our friend Jesse on a visit to Goethe and Schiller at Schiller Park.

AAAnnnnddd a few park-like places like Oakwood Cemetery that are always fun to romp around.

Have you noticed a trend here? Like, just about everything we do to entertain ourselves is outside? Isn't that awesome? The world is at our fingertips! It's at yours too! Come out and play, join us!

To mix things up a bit I always keep my eyes open for "freebies" like the two nights that Lights on the Lake is open for walkers before it's open for cars.

This weekend we are headed up to the Museum of the Earth to take advantage of the "Winter Free Day" which the kids are really excited about.

We have also managed to see a performance of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe at Syracuse Stage last winter during a "pay what you can" dress rehearsal for free because of the generosity of a kind soul in line with me.

Oh, and for those of you looking for something more like a "date" there is a D.R.E.A.M. Freedom Revival show monthly these days! But be wary-- it will leave you allll fired up and maybe even a little in love with this scrappy little rustbelt city. <3 <3 <3

So, there you have it, go forth and be merry! Keep that money warm in your pockets! Life is! Live it! <3

p.s. this blog entry has emphasized the need to take more pictures and document these family events! So do that too!

Cheap Clean Eating

So, here is the list of what we spent money on this February:

From Wholeshare/Regional Access:
French Lentils (25 lbs) = $26.08
5 Lettuce @ $1.95 each = $9.75
45 lbs Oats, Rolled Thick Organic @ $1.29/lb = $57.88
Olive Oil, Extra Virgin (3 L) = $26.87
0.5 lbs Peppercorns = $5.45
1 Pumpkin Seeds(10 lbs) = $37.06
1 Sea Salt, Finely Ground, Celtic (1 lbs)= $7.62
1 Sea Salt, Light Grey, Celtic (1 lbs) = $5.44
1 Walnuts, Light Halves & Pieces (10 lbs) = $75.21

From Wholeshare/Four Seasons
24 CT Hass Avocados @ $1.07ea = $25.76
1 Tommy Atkins Mangos (10 CT) = $7.84
10 LB Yams @ $0.78/lb = $7.77

Farmer's market week one- $24 potatoes, cabbage, onions, apples
Farmer's market week two- $53 maple syrup, honey, apples and more apples
Farmer's market week three- $25 potatoes, apples, carrots, garlic

Wegmans week one- $9 clementines, blood oranges
Wegmans week two- $40 milk, hot sauce, rice noodles, blood oranges, grapefruit, clementines, butter

Price chopper week one- $6 ice cream, bananas
Price chopper week two- $10 donuts, bagels, cream cheese (mental health splurge!)
Price Chopper week three- $6.50 clementines, bananas

Total for February: $467

How we put it together:

	Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday
Week One		noodles + sauce*	pesto* pizza	beef enchiladas*	falafel + hummus*	quiche*	guacamole and chips*
Week Two	venison pho	lentil + spinach soup	pancakes (Fat Tuesday!!)	sushi	spring rolls	avocado soup*	leftovers/eggs
Week Three	leftovers	homemade ice cream + candied nuts**	spinach + egg pie*	zuke burgers* + yam fries	pesto* pizza	skillet lasagna*	greens + beans*
Week Four	quinoa + veggies*	venison spanish rice*	garlic biscuits + sauce*	spinach dahl*	sweet potato latkes

*meals that depend heavily on our freezer/pantry
**Everyone left Mama and littlest to fend for themselves and this is what happened!

Makes me hungry just looking at that menu! While we might not be buying much food, and I might be spending all of my time in the kitchen, we have been eating like KINGS!

For breakfast we primarily eat oatmeal with berries/walnuts, with occasional substitutions of eggs and homefries or some pancake variation. Lunches generally are leftovers, or apples and sunflower butter/honey, tortilla + sunflower butter/honey or tortilla + egg sandwiches. Snacks include apples, oranges, carrots, applesauce, nuts, smoothies, fruits, yogurt, chips, avocado creations....

So, as you can see, we eat out of our freezer and pantry for nearly every meal. Can I confess that my favorite season to cook in is winter? All of my produce is already chopped and ready to throw in the pot! Booyah!

Because I'm really trying to rein in those numbers, I've taken this food budget even deeper and have begun to figure the costs of individual meals. I've figured that if I keep each day to under $14, we have some wiggle room to stay well under the $450/month limit and everything is gravy.

I am going to write my calculations all out here because it helps me to see it written out and because I am hoping it helps you think about food and budgeting on these terms also. By nickel and dime-ing my menu, with practice, I'll be able to pair things up and stay within budget a little bit easier each day. It will also help me make decisions about the food we buy and how I use it. If I find oranges for $1.00 each, I will portion them out a bit differently than our $.50 apples. Please note that most of the costs are by estimating, but are still fairly accurate. I figure if I buy about 20 apples for $8, each apple is $.50. If I buy 10 lbs of onions for $8.00, each 1/4 lb of onions (approximately equivalent to 1 onion) is $.20. So on and so forth.

So, for example, let's say for breakfast we have oatmeal with berries, walnuts, and syrup. If we use a pound of oats($1.29/lb), plus 1/4 lb berries(2.99/lb), 1/4 lb of walnuts($7.52/lb), plus 1/2 cup of syrup($48/gallon=16 cups) our first meal of the day works out to be $5.42.

For lunch, we eat leftovers, tortillas($.05 each) with eggs($.10 each) and apples($.50 each). So lunch works out to be about $2.75.

Our tea time snack includes 1/3 container yogurt(2.79/half gallon) with syrup($1.50/1/2 cup) and a clementine($.25 each) and costs $3.42. We now have $2.41 left over for dinner.

But don't fear! We're having Venison Spanish Rice, in which the only thing we've had to buy were the onions, garlic, and rice. I used 1/2 lb rice($1.35/lb), one onion( $.20 each), and one garlic bulb($1.00/each). Our dinner costs $1.88 in total. Total for the day? $13.47!! Maybe if we keep saving that $.50 and maybe we can afford a "40oz" at the end of the month :P

I also didn't figure in the costs of things like salt, oil, or coffee-- so we are really close to going over. Now, to complicate matters, some of that cost is offset by my work with Wholeshare, but I'm not going to calculate that because I'd like to leave it as a "cushion." So I'm just going to keep aiming at $14 dollars per day, keeping in mind that it's a loose approximation, because I value my sanity over weighing out pinches of salt.

So where do I go from there? I feel like I am feeding my family well with locally/regionally sourced food, and we are staying inside of our price point. I would like to feel more solid about my shopping choices and so I will spend some effort comparing costs more thoroughly, gathering a list to use as a reference for the prices that I should look for with our typically used foodstuffs. I'll put some effort into combining ingredients so that our more expensive items are not used together (like avocados with walnuts.) I also will be looking into ways to reduce our sweetener consumption. Spending $3/day on syrup is a bit much even for an over-estimate!

If you see anything on my list that you think that I could be saving money on-- feel free to share! Where do you get your apples/onions/potatoes/garlic?

In a future post I would like to dive into why we are eating this low gluten/low dairy menu, in which I will probably stand on a soap box to shout the merits of eating local.

Life is!

Sick Little

Going to have to delay that budget post yet again, as my time is devoted to nursing my littlest little. I'm sad that she is sick but I am having an easy time of "being" with her, savoring these couch snuggles that might just be the last of their kind. This little isn't so little anymore.

Little spikes fever.

Momma makes hummus with full bulb of garlic.

Little devours hummus. Good little.

Bye bye fever!

Momma bets she will be saying hello to some knew cognitive skill once this fever breaks. Do you find that fevers often precede mental jumps?

Hope all is well in your houses!

Five Years!

I've been writing an involved post about our monthly spending, and it is almost *almost* ready.

It's going to have to wait just a bit longer, however.

Today we are celebrating the birth of our middle child. Here he is in his birthday garb.

And yes, that is a rabbit fur hat.

<3

Is February a Favorite Month for Accountants?

Would you love or hate February if you were an accountant? Does it mess up all of your budgeting to have such a short month? Personally, I'm grateful for the short month while I track my expenses. I feel like I'm much more likely to stay within my goals when I've only got 28 days to worry about.

Okay. I'd like to share where we are at for the month. First, I want to tell you about how we save money on our food purchases. It is possible for my family to drop down in our food budget because we have a super-stocked pantry and freezer. We can switch to homemade bread for nearly free because we already have the flour on hand. If you don't have 40lbs of oats, 20lbs of flour, four gallons of blueberries, seven quarts of tomato sauce, etc etc etc, already in your cupboards, drastically reducing your spending isn't going to be so easy.

If this is something that you are interested in, buy an item or two of the dry goods that you use often in bulk each month. Build up your supply slowly, and keep your family's eating habits in mind. For example, we eat oatmeal every weekday. It makes sense for us to buy oats in bulk. Bulk spelt on the other hand, not so much. Some things, like chocolate chips or bacon, you might eat more of (and therefore actually spend more on) if you buy them in bulk and have them abundantly available. So it doesn't make sense to buy those in bulk either. Go visit one of my favorite blogs for more bulk buying tips and tricks--

I have to add a shameless plug here about where we get the majority of our bulk foods, our local buying club. Last year I launched a buying club out of my back porch, through which my family makes about 80% of our purchases. We utilize an online based ordering program called Wholeshare that lists the Tierra Farms, Regional Access, and Four Seasons catalog, plus whatever the group leader lists or decides to be connected with. It's like social networking for food sales. The Wholeshare program does charge a small percentage of each item, but makes the catalogs so much more accessible, creates a list of available splits and places the order (if it's reached minimum) when it's due. No more finding someone to complete a case with you or fronting money. I charge a 10% fee (given to me as food credit) on your total order for my time, fridge/freezer power, supplies, etc. Feel free to REGISTER and check it out -- we'll have another order going through on 2/24/13 and arriving on 3/1/13 (just in time for a new month's food budget!)

On top of our full pantry, we are lucky enough to stock our freezer from our extensive backyard garden farm as well as our CSA share. In our garden, we focus on things that are easy to put up for the winter. Lots and lots of tomatoes, summer squash, peppers, green beans, broccoli, berries. We also set aside space for fun unusual/expensive things, like okra, watermelon, and herbs.

Even though our garden provides us with an abundance of food, we still cherish our CSA share. Because of our work on the planning committee, and our work as a drop-off location, our share is discounted. Furthermore, my partner's employer pays for half of it. Usually we are able to eat our share each week, freeze a batch or two of extra greens, and commit our garden space to food to put up for winter.

We are very, very lucky as far as food is concerned. Of course, we work hard for our food and for our food connections (hence the discounted share and wholeshare food credit.) I'm explaining this in so much detail because I am hoping that you can glean some information off of this that will help you find these connections in your own life. If you are looking to get good food for cheapsies you should get involved with your local food movement and start making connections with people and farmers. Often, during the busy times of the season, farms will need extra help and will pay you in extras, or give you discounts at the farm stand. Or maybe start your own Wholeshare group!

I suppose I should also add that we have also lopped quite a bit off of our food costs by raising backyard chickens, and rabbits. Our rabbits were a first for us this past year, and worked out wonderfully. We had two sets of litters in the spring and early summer. Their meat has fed both us and the dog for less than $4/lb. It has the added bonus of being as local as you can get!

As for our chickens, we had started out with four beautiful birds, but within a years time that figure doubled. As a family of five 'mostly' vegetarians, we were still buying one to two dozen eggs each week, and barely breaking even with chicken feed vs cost of local eggs. So, I did some math and decided to double that number again. The plan was to feed enough birds to give my family three dozen a week to eat and four dozen a week to sell, essentially making our egg eating nearly free.

So, last spring, my family hatched out four dozen eggs. At one point we had about 50 birds of various sizes and breeds out there. Yes, it was madness. Amazing, amazing madness. I sold as many extras as I could, and harvested the remaining roosters for both ourselves and for our large lucky dog. Currently, we are getting about an average of 8 eggs a day and so have about two dozen available for sale each week. Once spring hits and the sun shines bright, that number will double.

Thanks to the chickens and the backyard rabbits, I have spent about $100 on purchasing meat in the past year. Most of that was bacon. Oh, bacon.

The take home message is that there are quite a few "hidden" costs within our monthly budget. I spend about 20 hours/month on our buying club and CSA location. I spend about 20 hours/week in the kitchen cooking all that bulk food into meals. And I spend about five hours/week on our livestock. But when these hours translate into better/more nutritious food + stimulating home education + better environmental impact + lighter monetary budget, the trade off is worth it. Perhaps you have a few hours a week that you could trade in for money off of your own budget? I hope I've given you a few ideas of where to get started without overwhelming you!

So, finally, this leads me to where we are at now. Remember my $400/month goal? Well, we are at $450 as of 2/9/13. Although I don't plan on spending any more for the month, you never know what 18 days will bring. We are adjusting to some new eating habits(paleo-ish/gluten free dairy free-ish-- I'll talk more in an upcoming entry about why.) We also happened to run out of both honey and maple syrup. I toyed with the idea of going without for a few weeks but having recently made the executive decision to stop buying sugar, I didn't want to deal with the threatened mutiny that having no sweeteners on hand guarantees. Also, honey is a huge natural immune booster that I'm not ready to give up even if it's "almost" Spring.

I also am not sure that $400/month is totally reasonable. I worry that without fresh fruits and some of our other splurges, we would need a multivitamin. Which are just as costly. As it stands, I think that $450 for the five of us is more reasonable and comfortable. It still saves us about $150 dollars, and you can't laugh at that.

Do you wonder what we are giving up in that $150 cut? Beer, coffee for myself, extra fruits, storebought bread, storebought yogurt, storebought cheese, chips/ricecakes/snacks to name a few. In the end, we are probably much healthier living cheaper!

Next post, I will talk about what we spent our money on this month and provide a copy of our menu so you can see how I use it.

Until then!

Living on the Cheap AND Green

I've been writing this post in my head for days, unsure of where to start. I've got a lot of tips and tricks that we do here at the homestead to save money, but we've been doing them for so long that I've lost touch with what parts of our life are not exactly normal. Or perhaps I could even go so far as to say that in our house, abnormal is the new normal.

For instance, it wasn't until someone suggested saving money by foregoing toilet paper that I remembered that we already DO that. When our biggest little was a baby I found myself growing jealous over her soft wet hiney wipes, and it didn't take me long to cut up a few more squares of old towel, serge their edges, and throw them into a shelf above the potty for our own use. I keep a bucket next to the toilet to hold the dirty wipes until diaper and wipe washing day. (Don't worry about visiting us though, we still keep TP around for guests!!)

Speaking of laundry, here is the detergent recipe I promised:

2 bars Castile soap, grated
2 cups of borax
2 cups of washing soda

I use Kirk's Castile soap but am searching for a cheaper option, that still doesn't contain fragrances or lathering agents. Tough to find these days. Know of any?

I usually make a double batch, mix it all up well, and store it in an old 9lb bucket. I use one or two tablespoons depending on the load, and it generally lasts me 6-8 weeks. I have not noticed that our clothes are any cleaner nor any dirtier than when we used the other stuff. Most importantly, our dirtiest, smelliest kitchen rags, consistantly come out clean. So, I consider that a success!

The kitchen is another place where I try to scrimp and save in the paper products department. We've moved from disposable sponges to washable washcloths, from paper towels to hand towels and cloth napkins. We use reusable containers for lunches and snacks on the go instead of plastic baggies.

We've also started using straight washing soda in our dishwasher, with a tablespoon or so of citric acid. Once in a while we put vinegar in as our rinse aid. And that all works perfectly fine for about half the cost.

On a related note, I have tried using Dr. Bronner's Unscented Liquid Soap (since I use Dr. B for so much else!) for dish-washing soap, but haven't found it to be as effective for cutting grease. So I still buy regular dish-soap and try to be conscious of how much I'm using.

Dr. Bronner's does seem to work fabulous in the bathroom though! We use it as hand soap, as body soap in the shower, and also as shampoo when needed. Now, the kids and I very rarely wash our hair. When we shower we massage our scalp under the hot water, and that's it. Only after lots of pool swimming or fantastic dirt playing-- when we really, really need sudsy action in there, we use soap. After rinsing out the soap we will then use an apple cider vinegar rinse to remove the residue. (And no, we don't smell like pickles!) Soft, clean hair, for super cheap!

But, a word of warning, before jumping onto the Dr. Bronner's bandwagon, read the label and do as the bottle says, dilute, dilute, dilute!

We also use Dr. Bronner's as toothpaste. Of course, every camper will tell you that using it straight isn't much fun, so I mix Dr. Bronner's unscented liquid soap with baking soda, water, a pinch of salt, about 20+ drops of Grapefruit Seed Extract, and a few drops of peppermint or orange or cinnamon essential oil. I wish I could tell you amounts but we mix it up differently each time. When the jar gets low we fill almost to the top with baking soda. Then, we add the water and soap in a ratio of about 1 parts soap : 2 parts water. By this time the jar is overflowing, and the kids are getting out of hand because it's past bedtime. We stir in the rest of the ingredients quickly, spilling toothpaste everywhere. The kids cheer! They love when we have a new batch of toothpaste because it's fun and foamy. Then they ever-so-cooperatively brush their teeth while we scrub off the counter grime with the excess paste that spilled out.

What a convenient segue to talk about home cleaning products!
We use vinegar and hot water for just about every surface in our house. If it needs more "uumph" I might add some baking soda, or Dr. Bronner's. Most things just need a little extra elbow grease when you aren't using chemical cleaners! I've also heard that vodka makes a great cleaner/sanitizer, but I haven't tried that one yet. I would be more likely to drink the vodka while cleaning (which still sounds like cheap and natural way to clean your house! Right?!?)

I've got a lot more things to share about living on the cheap, but I've got to take some time to organize them. Do you have a preference for where I go next with this?

In the meantime, I thought that I would share our budget spreadsheet and numbers so that you can have something to go by if/when you think about your budget. It's in google docs, check it out!
(Oh, and this is especially for family, don't worry about our negative balance! That figure is including the things that we want to start setting money aside for, like house and car repairs. It also is based off of reduced work hours. We're are consistantly well fed and very happy! I'll share more later about how we manage to eat well, as well as entertain ourselves for free!)

So, it's almost February. Do I have any takers on that grocery budget challenge??

The "B" Word

So, while I don't generally approve of the "B" word in my house, right now I feel no other choice than to use it.

I'm just so frustrated about this situation!

I can't believe this is about to come out of my mouth.

I'm talking about a "Budget."

A capital "B" Budget at that.

Sat down for some financial counseling yesterday, thanks to my friend Thom Dellwo at Cooperative Federal Credit Union! I made the appointment because they have free hours for Coop Fed members (for a limited time-- so go now if you are a member!) and my childcare situation has eased immensely since my father-in-law moved to town (Thanks Grandpa!) So, no excuses.

I have sat down and written out a budget before, but I usually get to the part where I don't understand why we are still well-fed and have clothes on our backs while not hugely in debt. For us, budgeting isn't really an "exact" science. So previously, I've just kept the ongoing tally in my head of how much we had spent overall and when payday was, and perhaps most importantly, when our tax refund was coming. And that worked.

Looking at the sheet with the numbers on it just makes me panic. And then when I start to explore our options for things like public assistance, I get really, really upset. If we were to make $800.00 less per month, and qualified for foodstamps/state health insurance/etc, we would have $1000.000 more in our pocket each month. Where is our incentive? But I digress.

So, living without a budget based on exact science won't work to do the things that I want in the future (and neither will getting angry about our broken system), like remodeling the downstairs apartment, going debt-free by 2016, and buying a small fortune of liquor to use for bartering once the economy collapses (ha ha...oye..?)

So Thom helped me work through all that budgeting angst and anxiety and now, what I'm left with is finding $300+ dollars/month to start breaking even consistently, stop going without so often, and to squirrel money away somewhere.

Finding $300/month isn't that bad, until you realize how bare bones our budget already is. We have two leads to pursue, one is to get school loans consolidated and hopefully waived temporarily, and two is to move our food(including takeout) and toiletry budget from $700/month to $500/month.

So that will be my challenge for February. Want to join me?

My first step is quitting coffee. Starts Monday.

You don't have to quit coffee or start Monday, but I would appreciate some Budgeting Buddies. Drop me a line and tell me what you are looking to do with the money you save.

I'll be logging in soon with some menu ideas as well as how I'm going to source those ingredients. Fun stuff, right?

I'll also spend some time sharing with you how our family of five survives on a shoestring, like recipes for our DIY cleaners and toothpaste as well as what to do for free family fun.

So look forward to that, I am!

The Hows (but mostly whys) of Candlemaking

I originally intended to include this in the original candle making post but once I started writing that post took a different direction. So consider this Part II.

Holding the cool bricks of beeswax in my hand, I mulled over the idea of getting involved with a project that could potentially take hours to complete, with no opportunities for an easy out should some little person decide a different course for the day. I took a deep wiff and thought about what my goal was for the project, what was I hoping the kids would take away?

The idea to create something for the children to use in their bedtime routine was necessary because we were about to shake things up a bit. Our oldest little is particularly adverse to change, and I was wanting to tamper the impending upheaval. We had already begun preparing her for the transition only to be met with pouts, grunts, and feet stomping. Having recently finished Donna Simmon's Kindergarten with your Three to Six Year Old, I was reflecting on the need to speak less and do more. Children get overwhelmed trying to process our heady verbal directions. At this age, our littles are not thinking with their heads just yet. Right now they are exploring with their bodies. They require something that stimulates their senses and keeps their souls connected to the here and now. So instead of pontificating on the new order of events ad nasuem, we needed to create a symbol of the change, a physical reminder, something tangible that she could take into her senses. Together the kids and I would need to form a spiritual vessel that would carry them peacefully through the night.

I first thought of creating a candleholder, which would then be used only to read by at bedtime. I handed the children a sheet of deep purple tissue paper for the dark night and sparkled white paper for the flickering stars and told them to rip it into smaller pieces. I then watered down some white glue and pulled out the foam brushes. I had the littles brush glue onto a vase, and cover it randomly with purple or white paper.

I soon saw how taken they were with the project, and thought about how delighted they would be to be able to light a candle of their own making that evening.

I thought about what sort of an experience they would be taking into their being while making dip candles, and then being able to call upon it later during the stressful evening.

I thought about their dimpled, red cheeks grinning as they stood over the sweet warm wax, singing songs about the light within us all.

Just then, I was reminded about the approach of Imbolc, the day of the Goddess Brigit; a goddess associated with fire and healing.

I quickly threw the wax bricks into a half gallon canning jar that I then placed into a large pot of water and put it all on the stove to boil.

I covered the table with paper. I gathered a wad of hemp, a dowel, and two boxes to prop the dowel between. This would be where our candles hung to cool. The littlest little (!) used the scissors to help me cut six strands of hemp that were twice the length of our jar.

Meanwhile, the big littles soon had the gaps on the candleholder filled, and we set it aside to dry. I cleaned up their space and got them snack as we waited for the wax to melt. Our kitchen was so warm and sweet smelling.

I pulled out a story about the Goddess Brigit and the light that we all carry inside, and began reading it to children while I dipped the ends of the hemp into the warm wax for the first time. After their quick dip, I laid them onto a cutting board. Once the hemp strands cooled I rolled them out on the cutting board and pulled them straight. Then I straddled them over the dowel and got the kids situated near the jar of melted wax.

The children were shown how to dip the hemp strands into the jar; they had to go all the way in and all the way out, three times. The big littles took turns dipping the strands and then handing it back to me to place on the dowel. By the time the last strand on the dowel was dipped, the first was cool enough to dip again. The children soon learned that it was important to dip quickly. If the stands were left in for too long, they would come out naked!

Once we got into a groove, we watched our candles grow very quickly, taking breaks to go play nearby once the jar grew opaque and I placed it back on the stove to cool.

We sang, we discussed the story of Brigit, we put our hands around the warm jar.

As the candles grew we took turns rolling them out on the cutting board to get rid of the lumps and curves. I took a knife and cut off little candle nipples that were forming on the bottoms. The littlest little especially enjoyed gathering up these smooth wax pieces, and squeezing between brother and sister to drop them back into the jar.

I didn't expect the kids to be so taken with the task but they returned each time I announced that the wax had melted again. It took us about one and one half hour to complete the dipping.

That evening, once Daddy was home, we chose a candle, cut its wick down to size, and put it in its bedtime spot to wait.

That evening while Daddy sang the same songs of light and strength that had been sung earlier, he lit the candle allowing the smell of beeswax to permeate the room. As if the memory had been infused within the layers of wax, the children's inner strength and light was reborn as the candle burned. Using the candle as a prop, we were able to call upon the nurturing experiences of the afternoon, and we tapped into the inner light of the littles to carry them through this difficult transition.