It's Time.

Wow. Two years. I'm sorry.

My loyal followers notwithstanding, I'm incredibly apologetic towards myself. This blog was really important to me and I lost it. I lost this blog in the process of losing myself.

The good news is that I've started finding myself again and now I've found this again, too.

I don't know how to quite explain the absence, especially since I was in the middle of putting down roots, quite literally, as of my last posting. And obviously, the answer is both too involved and too intimate to be shared in this setting.

tl;dr (all the cool kids are doing tl;dr these days)
we fell in love. we moved. MISTAKES WERE MADE. we moved. we regrouped. we weighed our options. we moved again.

That's right, that was 3 moves since June 2013. I won't lie and say that I'm not exhausted.

But now, we're back at homebase, which is comforting. We took the time to paint and fix up a lot of the things that needed fixing to make use feel more at home. Maybe I'll do a walk through with you. I'm proud of what we've done. Of course, we've got a lot more work to do.

The most overwhelming perhaps is the yard. The gardens here have been having a field day without Mama around to make them mind.

But that sort of heavywork is quite cathartic really. 

We are cleaning up the mess we so desperately tried to escape from.

It feels like a very "in your 30's" thing to do, and I can't describe the relief that comes along with feeling like I've finally pointed my compass towards adulthood.

For that, and for all of the other lessons in between, I am very grateful.  

Breaking Ground

Planting seedlings is always a bit of a nerve wracking experience for me. Although I'm sure it could be argued that I'm a bit high-strung anyhow, I always feel so uncertain and a little bit jarred when I stand back and admire my work.

Are they in the right spots? Will there be enough room? Are there enough plants? What if a big storm rolls through and rips these tendrils out of the ground and lies them out to waste? Did I acclimate them to the big outdoors well enough?

And I won't feel fully settled about the whole scenario until the plants start to branch out and stretch their arms, filling up their allotted space.

Although that just brings a different set of worries, they are admittedly, worries that are less immediate.

Are they getting too big? Should I stake them up? Pull off suckers? Are they getting enough water? Enough sun? Is that powdery mildew? What kind of BUG is THAT??

But eventually I'll stop worrying so much and just watch.

And not too after that I'll totally forget that they were ever once something to fret over.

I'm hoping that it's like that with the children, too.

Turning Time

The compost is a time machine.
Each turn of the pitchfork
  unearthing bits of the past,
ghosts once lifted by other forks.
Banana peels from baby's first feeds,
broccoli stems, pistachio shells, avocado pits-

Each heave brings me back in time.
Now I am standing at the counter cracking eggs
Next, sitting around the table carefully segmenting grapefruit.

And it's not just mealtime blessings that are bubbling to the surface.
Here are bits of crumbling playdough, shredded papers and mail.

The grapevine mobile the kids and I made while waiting for baby.

And while I work I realize just how rich this compost really is.

Life is.

Phew!

I've been bogged down in the day to days lately.

Feeling a little off of my game. Laundry piling up, to-do list growing, fridge bare.

That nagging feeling of being disconnected from the kids while I'm caught up in my own headspace.

It's times like these that I start feeling like I should be itemizing those to-do lists.

For example, in a bullet point under "Laundry" I should also write "strip, wash, and remake all beds". That way, when I change all three beds but don't finish the laundry I'll still see something crossed off the list.

Remember when making your bed was the chore of the day? Then, the next you would bring all of your library books back to the library and be able to call that a day.

Now, when I'm knee deep in a pile of various sized socks that I haven't sorted in three consecutive weeks, it's hard to remember to put it into perspective.

Hard to remember that the reason the sink is full of dishes is because I washed all of the previous dishes, cooked food, fed the children, and piled the sink back up again.

I'm tired of this headspace though. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not doing enough.

I should simply remember to be proud! Making three beds usually happens on the same day that I cook (at least) two meals large enough for (at least) five bellies, do (at least) two loads of dishes, wipe (at least) the kitchen table, answer (at least) 50 billion questions about physics and the state of the world, while always thinking ahead to what had to get done next.

(I made this egg bread braid for Easter, and I still am fretting about not "doing it all"!?!)

So, somewhere over the course of this afternoon I declared last week "Spring Break" and I'm letting go of all of the guilt and feelings of inadequacy.

Everything that I have done is done enough!

What's more, is that is has been done well enough!

Next week deserves a clean slate, not to be burdened by the to-do list anxiety of last week.

I've been carrying two mantras close to my heart these past few days (weeks?) as I've trudged through.

"The days are long but the years are short."


And, of course, one of my old favorites,

"Life is work. Life is life. Life is."

Out Like A Lion

I can't be the only one to be enjoying these last few days of blustery March am I?

These past two snowfalls have been very nearly perfect. Sticky clumpy snow that covers the branches and the netting over the chicken coop. The icicles on the roof grow and glisten. Our backyard turns into a magical snowday. I am grateful for temperatures that are crisp and refreshing and not fierce and biting.

This snow has been fantastic for snowball throwing and snowman crafting. Rolling and rolling and rolling heavy balls as big as themselves is so good for these kids who are yearning to stretch and push and work those muscles after a winter's rest.

We have been putting the finishing touches on Winter. Making sure we have eaten enough coconut curry stew and spicy chili. Baking enough cookies and sipping enough tea. Going over our footed-pajama snuggle between flannel sheets quota, stocking up until next year. Wearing my baby on my chest, all cozied up in blankets and ponchos, for what are probably the last times.

And now today marks Spring. The kids and I have been watching the buds swell on the trees, and the first green shoots of our bulbs push through the soil. The birds have been noticing too, waking us with their songs in the morning.

We have been anticipating the Sun's return. Slowly starting our garden seedlings inside, sheltering them on heat mats and under lights. First the tomatoes, then peppers, then eggplants and okra. Each week brings a new task that brings us that much closer to thrusting our fingers into the dirt.

But until that happens, we wait rather contentedly, reading under cozy blankets.

Or using up every last piece of paper in the house doing heady inbreath activities before we transition to the body rich outdoor outbreath activities.

Life Is.

**Disclaimer:this post was written last week on the Equinox, when it was snowing. I've been having issues uploading photos and so this post is very, very late. Sorry for the confusion!

No line item for "entertainment"!?!

Now that I've gone on and on about feeding my family while on a budget, I am ready to move on to the next most important aspect of family life. Entertainment! With three littles and one (very)large dog, in a 2.5 bedroom house that's a bit under 1,000 sq ft, it's important to stretch our wings every now and then. But with two adults and three littles that ish gets pricey! So we've scoped out a number of ways to get out of the house but spend zero to very little money*. Here are some of our local favorites:

*Be aware that some of these "free" outtings were made possible by gifts from viewers such as you ;) However, even without the seasonal passes a visit or two won't break the bank.

Stone Quarry Art Park:
cost:$5 suggested donation/car
perks:dog friendly, year round--very ski/sledding/snowshoe friendly, interactive exhibits, miles of trails, composting toilet, frog pond(separate from the toilet)... need I go on? The kids love it, I love to walk around here with the kids. This summer we are going to explore the "grotto"/hobbit hole that we have heard rumors about.
not-so-perks:Cazenovia is a bit of a hike, and my big little sat on a bee here once. But there was plenty of mud around for me to pack it with and we all learned something that day. So I guess that's maybe even a perk.

Rosamond Gifford Zoo
cost:$60 year round membership(we ask for this each Christmas)
perks:Close to home, year round friendly, mostly empty during weekdays(except during field trip season), quality interpretive shows, the membership makes it possible to come here for a picnic lunch and not feel pressured to "get our money's worth", I can claim this as an educational field trip.
not-so-perks:Sometimes the animals behind bars make you feel sad, sometimes it's packed, sometimes someone has a meltdown because we got them lollipops *just once* out of the machine and we won't be doing that again.

A recent trip to the zoo!

Green Lakes
cost:$8/car or do what we did and get season's pass as a gift
perks:SWIMMING! hiking trails! dog friendly-ish! playground! picnics!
not-so-perks:DEFINATELY do tick checks after your visit, can be crowded, no dogs on beach rule gets difficult when mixing three littles, one large dog, and one two-handed adult. oh, and the "modern" playground is better since they took the "suicide slide" out but still isn't as little kid friendly as it could (should) be. It's fine and all, just be prepared to be a helicopter parent.

Clark's Reservation
cost:$8/car (or season's pass yadda yadda)
perks:close to home, dog friendly, picnic friendly, nice small oldschool playground, TONS OF AWESOME FERNS
not-so-perks:some trails difficult to manage with the littles.

Those are just our two favorite local State parks, there are quite a few others within a short distance on home. And let's not forget about our county parks like Onondaga Lake Park, Beaver Lake Nature Center.

Not to mention the whole Syracuse city park system.

Our friend Jesse on a visit to Goethe and Schiller at Schiller Park.

AAAnnnnddd a few park-like places like Oakwood Cemetery that are always fun to romp around.

Have you noticed a trend here? Like, just about everything we do to entertain ourselves is outside? Isn't that awesome? The world is at our fingertips! It's at yours too! Come out and play, join us!

To mix things up a bit I always keep my eyes open for "freebies" like the two nights that Lights on the Lake is open for walkers before it's open for cars.

This weekend we are headed up to the Museum of the Earth to take advantage of the "Winter Free Day" which the kids are really excited about.

We have also managed to see a performance of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe at Syracuse Stage last winter during a "pay what you can" dress rehearsal for free because of the generosity of a kind soul in line with me.

Oh, and for those of you looking for something more like a "date" there is a D.R.E.A.M. Freedom Revival show monthly these days! But be wary-- it will leave you allll fired up and maybe even a little in love with this scrappy little rustbelt city. <3 <3 <3

So, there you have it, go forth and be merry! Keep that money warm in your pockets! Life is! Live it! <3

p.s. this blog entry has emphasized the need to take more pictures and document these family events! So do that too!

Cheap Clean Eating

So, here is the list of what we spent money on this February:

From Wholeshare/Regional Access:
French Lentils (25 lbs) = $26.08
5 Lettuce @ $1.95 each = $9.75
45 lbs Oats, Rolled Thick Organic @ $1.29/lb = $57.88
Olive Oil, Extra Virgin (3 L) = $26.87
0.5 lbs Peppercorns = $5.45
1 Pumpkin Seeds(10 lbs) = $37.06
1 Sea Salt, Finely Ground, Celtic (1 lbs)= $7.62
1 Sea Salt, Light Grey, Celtic (1 lbs) = $5.44
1 Walnuts, Light Halves & Pieces (10 lbs) = $75.21

From Wholeshare/Four Seasons
24 CT Hass Avocados @ $1.07ea = $25.76
1 Tommy Atkins Mangos (10 CT) = $7.84
10 LB Yams @ $0.78/lb = $7.77

Farmer's market week one- $24 potatoes, cabbage, onions, apples
Farmer's market week two- $53 maple syrup, honey, apples and more apples
Farmer's market week three- $25 potatoes, apples, carrots, garlic

Wegmans week one- $9 clementines, blood oranges
Wegmans week two- $40 milk, hot sauce, rice noodles, blood oranges, grapefruit, clementines, butter

Price chopper week one- $6 ice cream, bananas
Price chopper week two- $10 donuts, bagels, cream cheese (mental health splurge!)
Price Chopper week three- $6.50 clementines, bananas

Total for February: $467

How we put it together:

	Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday
Week One		noodles + sauce*	pesto* pizza	beef enchiladas*	falafel + hummus*	quiche*	guacamole and chips*
Week Two	venison pho	lentil + spinach soup	pancakes (Fat Tuesday!!)	sushi	spring rolls	avocado soup*	leftovers/eggs
Week Three	leftovers	homemade ice cream + candied nuts**	spinach + egg pie*	zuke burgers* + yam fries	pesto* pizza	skillet lasagna*	greens + beans*
Week Four	quinoa + veggies*	venison spanish rice*	garlic biscuits + sauce*	spinach dahl*	sweet potato latkes

*meals that depend heavily on our freezer/pantry
**Everyone left Mama and littlest to fend for themselves and this is what happened!

Makes me hungry just looking at that menu! While we might not be buying much food, and I might be spending all of my time in the kitchen, we have been eating like KINGS!

For breakfast we primarily eat oatmeal with berries/walnuts, with occasional substitutions of eggs and homefries or some pancake variation. Lunches generally are leftovers, or apples and sunflower butter/honey, tortilla + sunflower butter/honey or tortilla + egg sandwiches. Snacks include apples, oranges, carrots, applesauce, nuts, smoothies, fruits, yogurt, chips, avocado creations....

So, as you can see, we eat out of our freezer and pantry for nearly every meal. Can I confess that my favorite season to cook in is winter? All of my produce is already chopped and ready to throw in the pot! Booyah!

Because I'm really trying to rein in those numbers, I've taken this food budget even deeper and have begun to figure the costs of individual meals. I've figured that if I keep each day to under $14, we have some wiggle room to stay well under the $450/month limit and everything is gravy.

I am going to write my calculations all out here because it helps me to see it written out and because I am hoping it helps you think about food and budgeting on these terms also. By nickel and dime-ing my menu, with practice, I'll be able to pair things up and stay within budget a little bit easier each day. It will also help me make decisions about the food we buy and how I use it. If I find oranges for $1.00 each, I will portion them out a bit differently than our $.50 apples. Please note that most of the costs are by estimating, but are still fairly accurate. I figure if I buy about 20 apples for $8, each apple is $.50. If I buy 10 lbs of onions for $8.00, each 1/4 lb of onions (approximately equivalent to 1 onion) is $.20. So on and so forth.

So, for example, let's say for breakfast we have oatmeal with berries, walnuts, and syrup. If we use a pound of oats($1.29/lb), plus 1/4 lb berries(2.99/lb), 1/4 lb of walnuts($7.52/lb), plus 1/2 cup of syrup($48/gallon=16 cups) our first meal of the day works out to be $5.42.

For lunch, we eat leftovers, tortillas($.05 each) with eggs($.10 each) and apples($.50 each). So lunch works out to be about $2.75.

Our tea time snack includes 1/3 container yogurt(2.79/half gallon) with syrup($1.50/1/2 cup) and a clementine($.25 each) and costs $3.42. We now have $2.41 left over for dinner.

But don't fear! We're having Venison Spanish Rice, in which the only thing we've had to buy were the onions, garlic, and rice. I used 1/2 lb rice($1.35/lb), one onion( $.20 each), and one garlic bulb($1.00/each). Our dinner costs $1.88 in total. Total for the day? $13.47!! Maybe if we keep saving that $.50 and maybe we can afford a "40oz" at the end of the month :P

I also didn't figure in the costs of things like salt, oil, or coffee-- so we are really close to going over. Now, to complicate matters, some of that cost is offset by my work with Wholeshare, but I'm not going to calculate that because I'd like to leave it as a "cushion." So I'm just going to keep aiming at $14 dollars per day, keeping in mind that it's a loose approximation, because I value my sanity over weighing out pinches of salt.

So where do I go from there? I feel like I am feeding my family well with locally/regionally sourced food, and we are staying inside of our price point. I would like to feel more solid about my shopping choices and so I will spend some effort comparing costs more thoroughly, gathering a list to use as a reference for the prices that I should look for with our typically used foodstuffs. I'll put some effort into combining ingredients so that our more expensive items are not used together (like avocados with walnuts.) I also will be looking into ways to reduce our sweetener consumption. Spending $3/day on syrup is a bit much even for an over-estimate!

If you see anything on my list that you think that I could be saving money on-- feel free to share! Where do you get your apples/onions/potatoes/garlic?

In a future post I would like to dive into why we are eating this low gluten/low dairy menu, in which I will probably stand on a soap box to shout the merits of eating local.

Life is!